That jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?

A: A rocket chip.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that its family photo?

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.