That jokes
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody finds that one funny.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
It's true though
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you are so ugly that no one likes you.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.