That jokes

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite!

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!

Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?

What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?

A galiminus.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

🎨🧑🏻‍🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.

That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Baby!"

"Baby who?"

"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"

"No thanks, I already ate."

What do you call an Asian kid that is bad at math?

An orphan.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.