That jokes

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.

Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.

Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?

"Chancel culture!"

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.

Did you know that water is wet?

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”