Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
That Jokes
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
I should name my dog Ariana Grande.
That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Yo mama so fat that if we cut her open, we could stop world hunger.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?
She is the only one that calls me "lamo."
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.
Now ain't that cool?
I done a thing where we have chat hangouts with people that like Gwen or just want to hang out, do stuff.
All people are invited!
We have a lot! Enjoy!
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
