That jokes

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?

A small medium at large.

Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"

You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

What do you call a nosy Mexican?

That's nacho business.

John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!

Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.

What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?

"I'd smash that."

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.