That jokes
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.
Yo mama's so fat that the earth used to be flat before they buried her.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.
Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.
Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
I only trust people that like big butts... they cannot lie.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.