Tell jokes

My mom is telling me to get off Friday Night Funkin' or she will slam my head against the keyboard: weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.

HELP! HELP!

TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.

If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.

The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.