Tell jokes

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.

I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

Why did the man yell at the other? To tell a pun.

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.

What type of jokes do you tell an orphan?

Family jokes.

Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

HELP! HELP!

TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”