Tell jokes

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?

A: All the good guys are hung.

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

Dad: Johnny, Johnny?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Getting women?

Johnny: Yes, Papa.

Dad: Telling lies?

Johnny: No, Papa.

Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).

Student: How should I know, that's his story?

Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”

The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.