Tears jokes
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
This is so painfully true
‘Merica
me everyday
water puppy
Community talk
The poem I wrote for ELA
Why Me? --------------- You always said that cheating was on your bucket list But i guess that part was missed I still got with you I never knew what you were gonna do
What you did was worst than cheating You slid your hand down Telling me that it was by habit I left with tears in my eyes And on my face was a frown
I bet you never thought about it But everynight i still feel your hands on me It happened two years ago But i still live with the thought of it
I spend hours trying to wash off the feeling But i guess its never leaving I know that i should be mad at you But somehow i still find ways to forgive you
Ayy, yuh, ayy, uh, uh, uh Comin' from the NextLane
Moonrock with the Glock, I can't Milly Rock, uh Tear drop on my homie's face, he caught a body No DM, I'm her MCM on Instagram My skin peanut butter color, inside, whip is really jelly Moonrock with the Glock, I can't Milly Rock, uh Tear drop on my homie's face, he caught a body No DM, I'm her MCM on Instagram My skin peanut butter color, inside, whip is really jell… Read more
Extremely depressing poem I wrote last year when I tried to kill myself
They were an inch wide and a centimeter deep But I don’t remember the length As I passed out in fear I remember staying pure Not being afraid of what I could do But I broke that years ago Last year, they used to be a millimeter wide and a nanometer deep An inch long I cried yet it wasn’t enough for me I remember being hot The wool sweater … Read more