Tears jokes

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.

Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!

Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!

Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?

Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.

Why are so many people mean to orphans?

They can’t cry to their parents.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?

No more tears.

Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.

Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!

Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.

Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.

The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.

Doctor: I will... dad...

Tq for reading my crappy joke.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

What do you call a sad porno?

A tear jerker.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.

A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."