Talk Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What talks high pitched and can’t fly?

A gay man in Iran

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?”, he said

“It’s because God made you special.”, she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Joker gives batman a phone thomas:uhh son we need to talk... about the uhh dressing up. martha:hello dearie brucie is it ok if you visit me when you go to jokers house

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

Hi if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it plz do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system". Another knitter says "I'm taking Folic acid to help my baby's brain". Finally one woman says "I'm taking Thalidomide". All the women turn to her and say "Thalidomide ! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?" The woman shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know how to knit arms". (Told to me by a woman knitter)

Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? because they had beef with eachother

So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered "A doctor!". I wanted to tease him so i said "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you". I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied "Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet"

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

I was in math class and we were learning geometry. My teacher said PENTAGON then all of a sudden PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my education 🤬 !