Surprise jokes

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

Guy feels something on his back.

“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”

“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Me: Hey, I’m your mom.

Orphan: Yay, you came back!

Me: Sike!

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Ur adopted.

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.