Surprise jokes

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

Why can you never surprise mountains?

They peak.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm!

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.