Surprise jokes

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm!

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

When you know you have a gay friend, but you find out that they like you!

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"