Suicide jokes
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.
Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.
What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
What is an emo's favorite song?
"Suicidal."
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What can't you say to an emo?
Hang in there, buddy!
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.