Suicide jokes
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
Me die.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.