Suicide jokes

Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope...

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

what's a depressed person's favorite game?

hangman

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)

"Sing in music lesson"

"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?

It was called Fall-adelphia.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.