Suicide jokes

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.

What do depression and suicide have in common?

Nothing, they're both hanging.

What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.

What is an emo's favorite song?

"Suicidal."

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

What can't you say to an emo?

Hang in there, buddy!

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

How did the inkjet printer kill himself?

He drank cyan-ide.