Suicide jokes

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

That one depressed friend.

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

How do emos fly? They hang themselves.

How do you get an emo down from a tree?

Cut the rope!

Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.

Too bad only one was standing. :)

What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Let's have toast in the bath.

Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*