Suicide Jokes

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?

Nothing, he was hanging.

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!

If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?

That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.