Suicide jokes

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.

Not to mention and by plane.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?

Nothing, he was hanging.

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!

If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?

That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?

My friend: What?

Me: The Suicide Squad.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.