Suicide jokes

Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

That one depressed friend.

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

What did the tree say to the emo kid? Wanna hang?

Let's have toast in the bath.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.

Too bad only one was standing. :)

How do you get an emo down from a tree?

Cut the rope!

How do emos fly? They hang themselves.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Did the tree high five the emos?

No, he just left them hanging.

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

What did the tree say to the kid with the rope?

Nothing, he was hanging.

Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.

Which one hits the ground first?

The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.