Suicide jokes
Why did Hitler kill himself?
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?
Killer Kool-Aid.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
OKAYYYY guys, today we're going to make DIY bath bombs. I bet y'all already have the first ingredient right here in your kitchen:
*looks at toaster*
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."