What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
kys
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
