Suicide jokes

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

what is less than 0?

my will to live.

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?

One stays quiet forever...