Suicide jokes

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a train.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?

Puberty waits for the blow up.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?

One stays quiet forever...

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.