Suicide jokes
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Why did Kayla go to the river when she was sad?
To drown herself.
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
It's the season of giving, so I'll be giving up!
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”