Suicide jokes

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?

I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Jeffrey Epstein was a horrible person, but at least he killed Jeffrey Epstein.