Suicide jokes
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
Depression has a tight grip
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
Are you suicide? Because you are always on my mind.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.
Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.