Suicide jokes

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.

How do you tell if someone is depressed?

The brains on the wall.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.