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Suicide

Suicide jokes

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

Person: Why'd you stop?

Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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    • My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

    I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

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    • "Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

    "Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

    "Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

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    • Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

    Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

    Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

    Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

    Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

    Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

    The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

    He grabs a noose.

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    • Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

    A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

    Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

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    • If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

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