I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
...
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
These gags are killing me!
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
