Suicide

Suicide jokes

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My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

  • 8

    • "Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

    "Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

    "Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

  • 6

    • Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

    Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

    Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

    Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

    Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*

    Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

    The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

    He grabs a noose.

  • 4

    • Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

    A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

    Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

  • 7

    • If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

  • 4

    • A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

  • 5

    • JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

    Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

    It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.