Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Myself

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

  • 1
  • Self-worth

    People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

  • 3
  • 9mm

    There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

  • 5
  • Noose

    An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

    *A few minutes later*

    son: There.

    mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

    son: Dad showed me before he died.

    mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

  • 3
  • Man

    A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

    Bomb

    I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

    Emo people

    Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

    Emo

    What do emos and apples have in common?

    They both hang on trees.

    Hitler

    The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

  • 1
  • Dog

    People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

    I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

    Teeth

    What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

    His teeth.