Model

Model jokes

Man

    • What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

    Driving under the influencer.

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    • Orphanage

    • An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.

    Wheelchair

    • I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

    I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

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    • Model memes

    Hairline

    • Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.

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    • Doctor

    • I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

    (Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

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    • Darkness

    • Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.

    She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.

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    • Phone

    • A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

    Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

    The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

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    • Extortion

    • A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

    "How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

    "Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

    The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

    She said, "Not everybody paid."

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    • Google

    • Friday's opening is open. Religion: "Dark model?" Hopi, Kahan, Virra, Sayla, Salafa, Sales, Power, Sleep. Google is “that cave”.

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    • Programmer

    • A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

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