Success jokes

What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?

14 number 1 hits.

Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.

Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"

How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.