What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
Why are orphans always famous?
Because they say, "Go big or go home," and orphans only have one option.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
