Story jokes

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

Who reads the fastest?

The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.

"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."

Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.

Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."

Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."

Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.

So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.

Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?

Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"

I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well, he’s all right now!

Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?

Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.