Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Story Jokes
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
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