Stole jokes

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.

Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.

The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.

The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

What's the difference between cancer and me?

My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Why do orphans hate Batman the movie?

Because at least he gets noticed by people, and also he stole their life story!