Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
I would create an orphan website...
But you need a home page to do that.
(Since somebody stole this joke before) 🤷♀️
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
