Stole Jokes

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Man: What's up?

Me: I'm annoyed.

Man: Why?

Me: I stole my gf's heart.

Man: So why are you annoyed?

Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!

I stole one's balls.

To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."