To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide but you cant run.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf’s heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, “you forgot the remote”

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: “I’m feeling really positive today” and the other replied: “I know. I stole your electron”. Then the first atom said “How Ionic”

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.

To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

No?

They both got six months.

Somebody stole my joke

So i stole their spinal cord.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run

Why did the police 👮 go to a baseball ⚾️ game?

Because a player stole the base.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you… You have my Word.

A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar? I hear they got six months each.

in the new grinch the whos would say he stole christmest get him then the grinch said im a orphan that changes everything the whos said what would they do if max was a orphan

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