Leo Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?

Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.

Mother: Do you understand?

Leo: No.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!

If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.

LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

Leo is like a cloud... when she disappears, it's a beautiful day.

Leo is as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.

If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.

I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

What does Leo have in common with a newspaper?

They both love to yap and babble, and they always get fondled by old people.

Leo be like: "I like men, yes."

I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.

Leo must be an INTERIOR DECORATOR... because when she enters a room, it becomes UGLY.

If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.

Leo is like a broken pencil... pointless.