Speed jokes

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?" "Because I was Russian!"

Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.

What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.

Why is the cheetah so fast?

Because it can't walk slow.

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.