Speed jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Memes
The ultimate speedrun
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Yo mama is so dumb, she put speed bumps on the race track.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.