Speed jokes

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?

He was a cheetah.

Why can't cheetahs play any games?

Because they're cheetahs!

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

What should we want?

Racecars.

When should we want them?

NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.

Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."

Why do cheetahs always win the race? Because he cheats, duh!

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.

Yo mama is so dumb, she put speed bumps on the race track.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.