Speed jokes
What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?
His Internet.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
Ah (gas, gas, gas) Ah Do you like my car? Guess you're ready 'cause I'm waiting for you. It's gonna be so exciting. Got this feeling really deep in my soul. Let's get out, I wanna go, come along, get it on. Gonna take my car, gonna sit in. Gonna drive along 'til I get you, 'Cause I'm crazy, hot and ready, but you like it. I wanna race for you (Shall I go now?)
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on the gas. Tonight, I'll fly (and be your lover) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be so quick as a flash And I'll be your hero.
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna run as a flash. Tonight, I'll fight (to be the winner) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna step on the gas And you'll see the big show.
Don't be lazy 'cause I'm burning for you. It's like a hot sensation. Got this power that is taking me out. Yes, I've got a crush on you, ready, now, ready, go. Gonna take my car, gonna sit in. Gonna drive alone 'til I get you, 'Cause I'm crazy, hot and ready, but you like it. I wanna race for you (Shall I go now?)
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on the gas. Tonight, I'll fly (and be your lover) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be so quick as a flash And I'll be your hero.
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna run as a flash. Tonight, I'll fight (to be the winner) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna step on the gas And you'll see the big show.
Gonna take my car, do you like my car? 'Cause I'm crazy, hot and ready, but you like it. I wanna race for you (Shall I go now?)
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on the gas. Tonight, I'll fly (and be your lover) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be so quick as a flash And I'll be your hero.
Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna run as a flash. Tonight, I'll fight (to be the winner) Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna step on the gas And you'll see the big show.
Gas, gas, gas, Yeah, yeah, yeah Gas, gas, gas, And you'll see the big show. Ah
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?" "Because I was Russian!"
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.