Speed jokes

what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

Okay Air Attack Productions... Beat This-Falling-By watersharky Productions and TD.

My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya, Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love, Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up, Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up, Now you the one that I'm calling, Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking, I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya, Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough, Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya, Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya, Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, I'll never give my all again, 'Cause I'm sick of falling down, When I open up and give my trust, They find a way to break it down, Tear me up inside, and you break me down.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

What do retarded cops give tickets for?

Going over 45 in a potato zone.

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender.

Black people run fast.

Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender ;)

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

CURRY in a hurry.