Speed jokes
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!