Speed jokes
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Memes
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Canβt get out of first gear!
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHEβS MARIO KART!
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
I donβt know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.