Speed jokes
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
My boat is super fast, so I named it Usain.
Usain Boat.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?" "Because I was Russian!"
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
Who's the fastest reader?
Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!