Speed jokes

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.

How did the cheetah greet other animals?

Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

What's fast and almost got away?

A Mexican jumping the border.

I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.

My favorite species is a cheetah because

Ima cheet-ah on the test.

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.