Speed

Speed jokes

Race Car

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

Hand

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

Memes

Sex

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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  • Reader

    Who are the fastest readers of all time?

    People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.

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  • Paul Walker

    When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

    Lamborghini

    What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

    Fly

    What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

    Its ass.

    Laptop

    So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

    Orphan

    I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

    Orange

    Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?

    Because it never runs out of juice.

    Kid

    What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

    Ketchup

    The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

    Hairline

    What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.