Speed jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.