Speed jokes
Wanna hear a joke about the Flash?
"Never mind, it's too fast."
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.