What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Speed Jokes
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
Why are supercars so super? Because it is superfast, lol.
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
