Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?
Cosmic Brownies.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES space?
Snoop Star.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Why did the rapper go to space?
To drop some ASTRONOMICAL bars!
What do you call a space Muslim?
A Tusken Raider.
Why does nobody talk to the letter G?
Because it's always in the middle of awkward!
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
