Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?
Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What did the rapper say to the computer?
“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
"SCOOT WANT TAXI!" Ok, maybe I do but can't make it there because yo mama is so fat he can't hear me on the other side.
Sharb Glarv Jug jug Milky Jar jar Pobbies Mm yum yum Rawr Big pooboes.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*
