Son jokes

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Son: Dad, how was I born?

Dad: Your mum's a hoe.

Son: OK, what's a hoe?

Dad: Your mum.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

This is how animals were named.

"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?

"Bison. Perfect."

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.