Son jokes

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.

According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Son: Dad, how was I born?

Dad: Your mum's a hoe.

Son: OK, what's a hoe?

Dad: Your mum.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.

Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

This is how animals were named.

"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?

"Bison. Perfect."

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.