Soldier jokes
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
This. Is. Sparta
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why are there so few Arab soldiers? Because they always commit suicide on their first day.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
What did Steven Harkens have to eat?
His shoulders.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.