Soldier Jokes

Why is the Champs dElysees in Paris lined with trees? Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of. You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during world war two. He was an officer. Me: Cool, what rank of officer? Jim: SS. Me: ...

Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.

What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I've lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive!

This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed "I want to see your face again mommy...". A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said "I want to see you too dad". He looked at his father's grave but nothing happened

Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked "were you looking for me?"

Q - What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war? A - Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.

What is an army members top drink?

WARter

why are we still fighting in darkness

mission failed soldier we will get em next time

People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says "A Scratch, Your Arm is off your body!!"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

*Ring Ring!* Who’s there? Soldier! Soldier who? You’ve soldier house! Congrats! waHt

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

to do list

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".

my grandpa's last words were before died in vietnam was what fuck did i step on..........

why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army- because he was romin around during war

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet