B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
When red do be sus, though.
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
What would a tree do if a depressed kid tried to high five it?
I would leave them hanging.
Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?
Friend: Don’t know?
Me: U STUPID!
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
Q: What did one gay cowboy say to the other gay cowboy?
A: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
I hate two-faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first. :)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stop.
Stop who?
Stop posting stupid orphan jokes that have been posted on this site 10 times before!
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.
Why is it bad to high five an emo?
They will leave themselves hanging.
Omg, shut up guys!
