Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Glory 🕳 equals 👨 👨 👨 👨 👨 bonding.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
If a man says you’re ugly, he likes you.
If a woman says you’re ugly, she’s just jealous.
If a child says you’re ugly, well, you’re ugly.
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
