Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
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Nut
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.
Imogen Savage will send you nudes. @imogensav is her Snap.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
Answer: David.
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.”
Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...”
Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.”
Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’”
Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.
Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
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Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
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Q: If you were in a ra
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
