Snap jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."

What’s a rapper’s favorite type of cereal?

Snap, crackle, and RAP!

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

Your mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, it only got rid of weight.

Your hairline looks like Thanos snapped your hair out of existence.

Me: It's so sad Ironman died of ligma. You: What the heck is an Ironman? Me: Ligma balls. "snap" ^kaboom^

What was the first thing Thanos snapped?

Loki’s neck.

Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!

He's a hot babe and he's single.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Y'know what rhymes with clash, zoom, dang?

Slash, boom, bang, snap.

Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?

When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩