Sleep jokes

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

My friends:

Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.

Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.

Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.

Me: You guys are getting sleep...

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?

An Oreo.

Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?

'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.

Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*I was actually up all night watching.*

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

Yo mom's so fat that she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

How's your dad?

What? I forgot he's still sleeping.