Sleep jokes
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
Memes
me every night
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Why do mountains never rest?
Because it’s ever-est.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed!