Sleep jokes

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?

An Oreo.

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?

'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!

I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.

It's my fort knight.

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.

Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*I was actually up all night watching.*

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

Why do mountains never rest?

Because it’s ever-est.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.