I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.
Because I am an orphan.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Why do mountains never rest?
Because it’s ever-est.
POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
Pokemon: Why was Hypno so energetic?
He wasn’t Drowzee anymore.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
