Sleep jokes
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Yo mom's so fat that she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Pokemon: Why was Hypno so energetic?
He wasn’t Drowzee anymore.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.